1. You read the “Rules of Engagement” and want to institute them as your handbook (shout out to 2.0 and Bryce)
2. You wanna be with your girls when Mariah Carey’s “Obsessed” comes on so you can point at your Facebook stalker.
3. You need a vacation from grad school and/or your 9-to-5
4. You are a Howard, FAMU or Hampton alum who lives in Atlanta and can’t go to your own Homecoming
5. You wanna see hundreds of middle class Black people scream “Ay, ok” at one time…“OJ and Gucci Mane make the track AY”
6. You wanna reconnect with your old flame in undergrad because Facebook and Twitter ain’t enough
7. You saw “School Daze” and want to see how it is in real life
8. You are celebrating your line anniversary (shout OWT to O.C.E.A.N.S. 11, K.E.T.T.C.H. 22, P.O.U.”ND” 9, B.O.O.N. 18 and L-YON 9)
9. Your SpelHouse friends brag about their Homecoming and you wanna see what it’s all about
10. You wanna get Spike Lee or Samuel L. Jackson’s autograph in a less Hollywood setting
11. You want to experience public intoxication on a dry campus
12. You wanna send pictures to T.I. to show him what he is missing in the A while he is incarcerated
13. You wanna meet REAL housewives of Atlanta
14. You wanna make sober mistakes under drunken influence
15. You missed Homecoming last year and need to make up for it this October
16. You just broke up with your summer boo, boy/girlfriend, fiancée or spouse and you are “On To The Next One”
17. Although you are “As Real As It Gets” and “So Ambitious”, you wanna return to be “Already Home”
18. You just bought some new outfits and wanna stunt
19. You just got a promotion and you wanna brag
20. You just took the September LSAT and wanna blow off some steam
21. You look much better than you did in undergrad and wanna show it off
22. You were the man/woman in college and wanna rest on your laurels
23. Your birthday is around the same time and can’t think of a better way to celebrate
24. You missed the Vineyard this summer and need to get your bougie game up
25. You miss the YAMS, I mean, soul food Atlanta has to offer
26. Partying with the SpelHouse clique in your respective city isn’t enough
27. You are bringing a relative who is in HS and want them to be sold on Spelman or Morehouse
28. You are Greek from another school and want to have a live ass roadtrip
29. You are Greek from another school but live in Atlanta and wanna have a live ass time
30. You crossed grad chapter and wanna come back sporting your letters, be it humbly or to spit in the face of the respective chapter of your organization on campus (I’d advise the former)
31. Your husband or wife went to Spelman or Morehouse and they are dragging your ass along
32. Your boy/girlfriend went to Spelman or Morehouse and you wanna do a background check before you “put a ring on it”
33. Because this guy called you (http://melodymaker.posterous.com/the-reason-some-girls-stay-single-very-funny) and you wanna get the hell out of dodge
34. It’s been years since your boy broke up with his college sweetheart and the statutes of limitation have ended for you to holla now
35. Masturbating to her Facebook pictures aren’t enough and you wanna meet your favorite Spelmanite face-to-face
36. You just graduated and you want to be at the first Pretty Nasty where Psi and Pi are both back on the yard
37. You wanna make Black Love after you leave Black Love
38. You can’t think of a better place to be “faded off the brown…Nino”
39. You are recruiting for your grad school or job in Atlanta and have decided to extend your trip for the weekend
40. You want to relive 4-7 years of undergrad in three days
41. You just got that Gilroy from Ocean’s Thirteen and you wanna see if it really works…”the nose plays”
42. You’ve secretly been using that Extenze and wanna test it out to make sure it was worth the money
43. Your president is Black…enough said
44. Cloves were just banned and you KNOW your homies in the A have a huge stash
45. You are running for office and are seeking contributions from your core constituencies
46. You have been watching “Lie to Me” and you wanna judge if people have been lying to you for all these years
47. “How I Met Your Mother” has inspired you to be a great wingman and you wanna make Homecoming “legendary” and “awesome”
48. “Californication” and “Hung” got you feeling horny, baby…what better way to exhibit your newfound feelings?
49. In your home city, you can’t exemplify your new love for Gucci Mane without the side eye…“bling bow wow…need to take a lie detector test right now”
50. With that said, you miss all the cooning songs Atlanta has to offer and you wanna party to them with your “patna dem”
51. You are just a bonafide hater and just wanna talk trash about everyone you see…so green with envy, you are
52. You are losing in Fantasy Football and wanna spend a weekend w/o thinking about pigskin, since no one goes to the game anyway
53. You wanna party like it’s 1999 in 2009
54. Your little sister is now a freshman at Spelman and you wanna scare every dude on the yard from messing with her
55. You have been watching the Discovery Channel and you want some cougars in your life…“Got Milf?”
56. Tailgate is the only place where you can get your favorite alcoholic beverage (Omega Oil) or your favorite seafood (the fish at the Sigma tent)
57. You tryna find your Fabolous so you can just “throw it in the bag”
58. You have been watching Fresh Prince’s Best Pick Up Lines and wanna try them out at Tailgate
59. You never hooked up with a chick from the Ms. Maroon and White court in undergrad
60. Your favorite chick from HK or Mu Pi just broke up with her boyfriend and you’re on the prowl.
61. That guy from A-Rho, Pi, Psi or Chi is now single and you wanna see if that flirting in undergrad really meant something
62. You heard about the new dress code at Morehouse and you wanna see how much the yard has benefitted from it
63. You wanna voice your opinion about the fact that you have to choose between Aja Lounge or Compound for Black Love
64. You are planning to move back to Atlanta and wanna check out if the city is the same as how you left it
65. You wanna leave the A and wanna live it up one last time before you head out for greener pastures
66. The whole undergrad clique will be there this year and you haven’t seen them all since you walked the stage
67. You were a cheerleader, in the band, or were in Mahogany-n-Motion or Maroon Mystique and wanna do your alumni thing on the track at halftime
P.S. (14 more for 1881)
1. You have given your life to God and wanna check out the chapel on Sunday to hear the Word
2. You had a tragedy in your life and wanna get away from it all
3. You are about to get married and need one last hurrah before you jump the broom
4. There have been several changes to the campus and wanna see where your alumni giving has gone to
5. You were laid off in the past 12 months and wanna network at the alumni tent to get another job
6. You played football in college and never had a chance to go to tailgate
7. You were the step show champion in undergrad and wanna make sure your neos do their thing on Saturday night
8. You are solely into random hookups and are seeking out the most arbitrary people in your class for a one-night stand
9. You are frustrated with the men/women in your city and wanna start fresh with some familiar faces
10. You are tryna get into the music industry and a trip to Atlanta has been long overdue
11. You were class president and are responsible for your class tent
12. Your weedman back home doesn’t have the fire that your boy in Atlanta has and you need to re-up
13. Your crew has been planning a Sunday brunch for years and they finally locked it down this year
14. There is nothing better than Spelman and Morehouse and homecoming is the best way to see, show or experience it
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